riddle

Pronounced as one letter,
And written with three,
Two letters there are,
And two only in me.
I’m double, I’m single,
I’m black, blue, and gray,
I’m read from both ends,
And the same either way.
What am I?

It never occurred to me to try this, but if you were to spell out numbers, what is the first number that has a letter “A”?

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And in light of Saturday’s game against the Leafs:

A child stands in court before a judge. His parents are divorcing and the judge is asking him which parent he would like to live with. “Would you like to live with your mother?” the judge asks. “No! She beats me every night and I don’t want to live with her!”. So the judge says “Okay, you can go live with your dad then.” The child replies, “No! he beats me every night as well! I don’t want to live with him!” And the judge replies, “Well, if both your parents beat you then who do you want to live with?”.

The boy replies “The Toronto Maple Leafs.” The judge is puzzled. “Why would you want to live with them?” he asks. The boy replies “Because they don’t beat anyone!”

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What do the Leafs and the Titanic have in common?
They both look good until they hit the ice.

Why is the Hockey Hall of Fame in Toronto?
It’s the only way the Stanley Cup will ever be in Toronto.

What’s the difference between the Leafs and a cigarette vending machine?
The vending machine has Players.

Why are the Leafs like a training bra?
Minimal support and no cups.

What do you call 30 millionaires around a TV watching the Stanley Cup playoffs?
The Toronto Maple Leafs.

What do you call a Maple Leaf with a Stanley Cup ring?
A thief.

What’s the very first thing a Leaf fan will hear when Toronto wins the Stanley Cup?
Their alarm clock.

You are at a river. With you are a Chicken, Bag of Grain, and a Wolf.
You have to cross the river in your canoe but can only take one with you at a time.
You can’t leave the chicken with the grain. He’ll eat it.
You can’t leave the wolf with the chicken. He’ll eat it.
How do you get everything over and intact?

I have a strainer that is unlike any other
A while back I was fancied by your mother
From time to time you can find me on T.V.
Random fact: they named protection after me
Your dad must think that i’m pretty cool too
Famous was I, in a time before NYPD Blue
Well known, you might dream of me while sleeping
Insanely covert, you will never catch me peeping

Two quick ones:

Remove the outside, cook the inside, eat the outside, throw away the inside. What am I?

AND..

A box without hinges, key, or lid,
Yet golden treasure inside is hid.
What am I?